Marian!

Well, despite what we were inclined to believe, Marian is obviously NOT the Moose-Woman (or, worse, Moose-Man) of the Unspeakably Obese, which puts a big crimp in my fat jokes. Sadness. Of course, MAYBE all these pictures are of Moose-Man's WIFE. Scary thought.

Here's what Marian had to say about the above picture:

"Man, I'm glad I dragged this out. This one's two years old, and I was trying to get back down to that weight (about 10 lbs. less than I weigh now) but I was TOO skinny. Makes my chin look pointy and my nose look big. Oh yeah, and like most of my pictures, they're school pictures, so pardon the Star Wars lighting effect in the background."

Look, there's more! Most of these have been compressed to within a byte of their lives, so that they'll actually manage to download some time BEFORE X-Day. Naturally, that upsets the image quality, but most of them weren't that hot to begin with, qualitywise. I had to use fancy software just to make the first one look like a PERSON instead of a T-shirt with legs. Marian's photographer should be strung up by his flash bulbs.

Anyway, I've included Marian's comments below, because they're so thoroughly "Marian", somehow.

"Austin Lake: It's a crappy picture, but it's the only one I have where you can REALLY tell I'm NOT a 700 lb. man. You can't see the face well, but if you compare it to the others you be able to tell it IS my body. Taken last summer. I'm in better shape now. Oh yeah, and the photographer was my oldest daughter, Genny. My personal kids don't usually take great pictures of me. They're VERY competitive. I wonder where they got that from? The body parts on my right in that picture belong to my middle daughter, Tracy. " "This one's about 5 years old. I sent it because I think I was about the same weight I am now, or just slightly heavier."

"Cinco de Mayo Lg. Group: The kids 'n' me after our C. de M. program last May. We painted the "mural" in the background." 'Cinco de Mayo' means 'five mayonnaise' in Spanish, by the way. Loosely translated, these kids are the 'Group of Five Large Mayonnaise Jars'. "This one's from last Xmas. It's the most recent." 'Xmas', by the way, is short for 'Christmas' -- a silly Christian holiday involving a fat pedophile in red pyjamas who brings gifts for little children. Sick.

This Web page was concocted by Dave Voorhis, in order to confirm his wife's suspicions that he's been spending most evenings stripping off his write-protect tab and cavorting about in cyberspace with strange 'net-women. This page is Copyright © 1997, Armchair Airlines Computer Services Inc. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized copying or duplication prohibited by international law, which I uphold with a chain and a big stick. Copy something and I'll know. Count on it.