Matthew Spong!

Here's what Matt has to say about the picture:

Here's a jpeg of myself, as shot by some intruder in my back garden a few years ago.

What he DOESN'T tell you is what he's holding. I think it's either a leg of lamb or a mandolin. Both are good with mint jelly, so I guess it doesn't matter. I bet I know the noise it'd make when it hit, though. Do YOU know?

(Look, this isn't a contest, so stop filling out that form.)

That's right, it'd go, "SPONG!!!"

By the way, Matthew is from Australia. If he was from the Northern Hemisphere, the picture would have been shot from above, of course.

Later Matt told me the "truth" about what he was holding. According to him:

It's a shovel, by the way. The pic was actually shot by my brother while we were digging the foundations for my dad's patio, and a big storm blew in. It turned out rather well I reckon.

Because Australian English is so different from what we speak here, I feel some translations are in order:

• Shovel
  An Australian sex toy.
• Patio
  An Australian... No, look, I can't even SAY what it this, it's so unspeakably twisted. You'll just have to ask an Aussie. If you dare.

Blah blah blah blablablablah blah. Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah by Dave Voorhis, and blah blah blah, blah blah Copyright © 1997, Armchair Airlines Computer Services Inc. All Rights Reserved. Blah blah copying or duplication prohibited by blah blah blah. Violators blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah, needles blah blah blah sticks blah blah nails blah blah blah your toenails.